If it's a hematoma the surgery should be shorter and less complex than any she has had previously. She'll still puff up and be sicker through this week, but we hope with better pulmonary expansion and venous return she'll recovery more quickly.
I am beside myself as any other mother would be. Waiting to hand off your helpless child to an awaiting surgeon never gets easier. It's feeling no parent should feel and yet we've grown accustomed to it. This will be the fourth time in the operating room. And that doesn't include the heart caths or the in room operations.
Sean and I haven't been able to talk about her going back much. It's just too hard. It's too hard to think of her freshly healed chest mangled again. It's too hard to think of her struggling through withdrawals again. It's too hard to think of her too puffy to open her eyes. It's all just too hard. And yet it's what Avelyn must endure to live. I pray we've made the right decisions for her future and well being. I pray she has a future. I pray for independent breathing and pee pee. I pray for negative fluid balances and avoiding infections. I pray she improves and we can get to know her better.
Until then I'll continue to etch each facial expression and detail of my itty bitty baby into my very being, because everything thing about her is precious.